things i know.

I know I hate Times New Roman. Hate is a strong word you say? True. I agree. But I really do think I hate this font. I am also pretty certain I hate celery. 'Pretty certain' seems a little like I don't totally know or am unsure. Well, I think that I'm pretty certain I know. See, I'm not too sure I hate bell peppers. I think I can handle it a little more. But celery, I know I hate celery.

I know I love my wife. I know I'm too short to play basketball. I know I know nothing about fixing things around the house. I know I'm an extrovert, and I know I like to spend money without really thinking of the consequences...and I know that's stupid. 

I know I am lazy, but I know it's not all of the time. I know it's not most of the time. I know I get distracted by the internet. I know I miss the good ol' days. I know that I can be better at things if I tried. I know I don't make enough effort to see my parents. Or grandparents. Or cousins. Or in-laws. Or friends I promised myself to make more of an effort to see.

I know I don't know much. Then again, I know that those who know much don't know much about other things. I know that I don't always live the right way. I know that a lot of times I don't even come close. I know I should be working right now, but that leads me to the other thing I know: I know I procrastinate a lot. Too much. Ok, all the time.

I know that I should go to the dentist. I know that I waste too much time on soccer. I know it's better than drugs (not that I would know). I know I've never done drugs. I know that neither should substitute the time we should be spending with God. I know that I get scared at nights...sometimes. 

I know that when I get excited about something, I let everyone around me know about it. I know I am not the same person I was just 2 years ago, but I know I'm not that much different. I know that I am not even close to the person I was 10 years ago (even you should know that). I also know that I will not be the same person I am today, 10 years from now. I know that I will probably be the same height (maybe even shorter). I know I wasn't planning on saying 'maybe.'

I know that the world is not doing well. I know that people don't care. I know there's a place called Heaven and Hell. I know I, along with a lot of other people, justify my actions to suit me. I know that I am not an accident...I am a surprise. I know there is a Creator. I know that Jesus Christ makes sense. I know that people hate truth, that's why there's make-up. 

I know that I want a dog if I buy a house. I know it's a buyer's market. I know I shouldn't go to the market on an empty stomach. I know I hate it when people eat without pulling up their sleeves. I know I forgot to mention that one next to the celery. I know I'm a man of habit. I know I don't balance my balance. 

I know I want to spread the Word of God to everyone. I know I want them to accept it, but I know that I don't want them to think of me like they do the rest. I know that I can be ashamed at times. I know I shouldn't be ashamed. I know that God is Love, but I also know that he is just. I know there are a lot of holes. 

I know I have a loud voice. I know I don't always listen to my 'call.' I know I have it easy. I know I will be judged for my laziness. I know I am not always honest. I know I'm extremely bad at math, but I blame my 5th grade teacher. Sadly, I don't know if that's entirely true. 

I know that I should pray more. I know that I should read the Bible more. I know that I should exercise more. I know I eat more in one sitting than most families do in one month. I know I wan't children. I know I would prefer 3...with a 4th being a surprise. I know I'm afraid they won't be healthy. I know that I've been afraid of flying lately. I know I should trust God. I know I should trust God. I know I should trust God. 

I know I can actually go on for a lot longer. I didn't know I know so much.  

The Body...

I completely despise Times New Roman. With that being said, let us begin. 2008 has been a very difficult year for me. Not financially, not physically, not with my marriage or friends, but with something much more important; my faith. Now, when I say 'faith,' I don't mean that I am battling with doubt or beginning to not believe in the word of God or Jesus. Yes, I still struggle with questions and have plenty of days where I am definitely not practicing what I preach, but I won't use my shortcomings as an excuse to stop following Christ. I know He is real, and that the problem is me.

This year, however, has been a tough year when it comes to the church. There have been some unfortunate events this year that has lead to some serious discouragement. You are talking to a guy who practically lived at church and was with his church members almost everyday of the week. Now, I go once a week and very rarely get something out of it. My mind has been messed up.

I know I need the church, and I know that it is something that God asks of us to be a part of. I know that it is important for Christians to be in the church, and not go at it alone. But isn't the church supposed to lift up, edify, encourage, and all that good stuff? Why do I feel discouraged? I'm having trouble trusting my leaders, the speakers on the pulpit, and Christians as a whole. Is it me? Is it my faith?

In some ways my faith has grown through this. Where once I would just take in everything, now I look at things in a much more critical way. It has lead me to grow up and see if what people are saying is in line with Christ. 2008 has lead me to put less faith in my church, and more faith in my one-on-one relationship with the Creator of the Heavens, the Earth, and of me. I know that I have changed, and although it's been tough, I know that God is doing some sort of work in me.

What is the church? It is definitely a scapegoat. Too often we use the church as the excuse for our lack of desire to serve God, or for our own problems with our faith. I have always said that the church is a group of imperfect people trying to represent a perfect God. It is almost doomed to fail.

We are being perfected and I have to remind myself that. I know that we need one another to sharpen our faith and grow stronger. Do we need all the politics and organization? I don't know. I do know that the church is much more simple than what we've made it. Come together. Worship.

first post:

Hello. I've had this blog for a while but didn't really care to do much with it. It's been 22 days into the new year, so I figured I would use this thing now. I don't think anybody will really ever read these, but just in case, I'll try to share some thoughts and happenings.

Barack Obama is our new President. We'll see where this goes. I have a lot on my mind that I would like to say about the entire situation of our country and people, but I think I'll save that for when people actually care to read what I have to say...or when I have more time.

I've been feeling incredibly paranoid lately. For some reason, the thought of how fragile human life is has been in my head constantly. I've become more afraid of things. For some reason, I am bracing myself or preparing myself for some sort of tragedy. I am preparing myself for some sort of phone call that might change my life forever.

I don't know how this all started. I am always worried about my wife's safety. When she goes to work, I pray she gets there safely. I pray that my parents get to work safely. Something happened that has made me continuously remind myself that our lives can end very suddenly and we are not in control.

This kind of thinking sometimes makes me question how much I have put my trust in God. It also reminds me that I can do nothing but put my trust in God. I have to keep telling myself that. I have to remind myself not to worry about tomorrow, but to take it daily. Tomorrow will worry about itself. 

God, give me the strength to trust you and to trust the plan you have for us. Help me to remind myself that this life is short, but yours is forever.